Anakin Skywalker Funny Face Pete Wentz Wild N Out Eggs
12:35 am
while "us weekly" paid $10,000 for the baby's photos just incase. you got to be -- [ laughter ] it was just an april fool's day joke. weirdly, no one was more relieved than that fake baby. they were like -- [ laughter ] um -- whew! [ cheers and applause ] close one. this isn't good. yesterday, president obama shot baskets at the white house and only made two shots out of 22. [ light laughter ] even dick cheney was like, "that guy needs to learn to shoot." i mean -- [ laughter and ohs ] my bad, buddy! my bad. yeah, president obama went only 2 for 22. it is tough times for obama. one minute is he asking congress to raise the debt ceiling, the next day he's asking them to lower the hoop. and it's just -- the guy can't win. [ light laughter ] either way, he can't win. this was sweet. yesterday at the white house easter egg roll, president obama comforted a 5- year-old boy who started crying.
12:36 am
some critics are claiming the moment was staged, mainly because the kid was like -- [ sobbing ] i just don't understand why john boehner won't pass your budget. [ laughter ] it's going to be all right. say it louder. say it louder. it's going to be okay, little boy. [ cheers and applause ] you want your money, you got to perform. some big international news. after north korea announced that it will restart a nuclear reactor, u.s. navy is sending a warship closer to north korea. and if that doesn't get their attention, they're going to send a carnival cruise ship. [ laughter and ohs ] that's the real deal. that's -- frightening stuff that happens on those things, man. did you see this? the theme for last nights episode of "dancing with the stars" was actually prom night. which makes sense, since all i did was sit alone and watch other people dance. [ light laughter ] ♪ all by myself don't want to be all my myself anymore ♪
12:37 am
[ cheers and applause ] end scene. and the emmy goes to -- get this, today new jersey governor -- gosh, we love him, chris christie. [ scattered cheers ] i love the guy. well, today new jersey governor chris christie signed a new law that bans children under 17 from using tanning beds. then the kids told chris christie, "fine, then stop blocking the sun." and i thought that was mean. rude, little brats. come over here. >> steve: need some -- >> jimmy: say it louder. here's a crazy story. yesterday, a waffle house employee in virginia was arrested for calling 911 and reporting a robbery as an april fool's day prank. apparently the cops already sitting at the counter were not amused. [ laughter ] "put that phone down. i want 'em smothered and
12:38 am
covered." and, finally, today a new york state senator was arrested for trying to bribe his way into new york city's mayoral race. or as a voter put it, "oh, who cares, will he let me drink a big gulp?" come on, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody! ♪ show me that smile again show me that smile ♪ ♪ don't waste another minute on your crying we're nowhere near the end ♪ ♪ the best is ready to begin ooh as long as we got ♪ ♪ each other we got the world spinning right in our hands baby you and me ♪ ♪ rain or shine we got each other sharing the laughter and love ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is the legendary b.j. thomas sitting in with the roots tonight! [ cheers and applause ]
12:39 am
that sounded fantastic. welcome. welcome to our show. >> thank you -- >> jimmy: we are giant, giant fans of yours. your new album right here, "the living room sessions," has all-new versions of some of his giant hits. like "hooked on a feeling." ♪ ooga chaka ooga chaka i can't stop ♪ i mean, gosh. you just hear that and you go, "you gotta crank it up." it's so good. what else you got? "rain drops keep falling on my head." [ cheers and applause ] you got -- ♪ hey won't you play another somebody done somebody wrong song ♪ ♪ make me feel at home while i miss my baby while i miss my baby ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking, right there. >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: thank you so much for
12:40 am
being here. b.j. thomas, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] killer. killer. we have a fun show tonight. we always have a fun show. we love it when he visits. we absolutely love it when he visits, the very funny tracy morgan is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] you can't beat it. >> steve: you never know. >> jimmy: plus, he's a good friend of the show, from bravo's "watch what happens live," andy cohen is joining us! >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] "new york times" best selling author, andy cohen. >> steve: i know. >> jimmy: and we have some good music tonight from deerhunter! [ cheers and applause ] really cool -- you got to see it. good thing there worked out. hey, guys, it is time to take a look at stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it is time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of congress going on spring break. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: yeah. members of the house and senate
12:41 am
are currently in the middle of a two-week vacation getting some much needed rest. so let's take a look at the pros and cons of congress on spring break. here we go. pro, congressmen get to take time off, relax and do nothing. con, then they get to go on spring break. [ laughter ] that's a good deal. [ applause ] pro, partying at senor frog's. con, deporting senor frog. that's too bad. that's too bad. you got to have your papers. >> steve: there's rules. >> jimmy: too bad. >> steve: there's rules. >> jimmy: pro, drinking a shot out of paul ryan's belly button. con, drinking a pint out of chris christie's belly button. wait a second -- [ audience groans ] [ makes sound of beer opening ] [ makes sound of liquid pouring ] [ laughter ]
12:42 am
[ farting sound ] [ audience groans ] pro, congress deserves a vacation. con, specifically a carnival cruise vacation. absolutely. we'll take care of it. [ cheers and applause ] we'll take care of it for them. pro, seeing members of the house and senate hit the beach. con, hearing people scream, "woo! don't take it off! [ light laughter ] put more stuff on!" pro, observing classic spring break etiquette. con, like putting a sock on the door if you're in the middle of filibustering. [ light laughter ] that's what they call it. you never know. pro, seeing harry reid in a bathing suit. con, seeing his hairy reed through his bathing suit. [ laughter and ohs ] >> steve: my goodness. >> jimmy: and finally, pro, most members of congress decided to
12:43 am
forego their vacation and stay in washington, feeling it was more important to address urgent matters rather than take a two week break during such a critical time for our country. con, april fools! there you go. that's the "pros and cons." we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ rain drops keep falling on my head and just a guy whose feet are too big for his bed ♪ what if you could shrink your pores just by washing your face?
12:44 am
[ female announcer ] neutrogena® pore refining cleanser. alpha-hydroxy and exfoliating beads work to clean and tighten pores so they can look half their size. pores...shrink 'em down to size! [ female announcer ] pore refining cleanser. neutrogena.® uhhh...pppffftttt... ooof!! give me a redd's apple ale. [ male announcer ] redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple, brewed like an ale. [ jones ] my dream didn't end in london. i'm a competitor. i mean, i'm racing people when i'm walking next to 'em. you don't go into a sport to be average. you go in to dominate. for me it's the same with bobsledding. i wanna win a medal. it's not always easy but you have two options. you can quit or you can work a little bit harder. i don't just run track. i do more. ♪
12:45 am
[ female announcer ] degree. it won't let you down. chewy inside... crunch n' chew. with a crunchy candy shell. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher crunch n' chew. - uh, hey... - i'm bob, we talked at the tax store... i did your taxes. i thought you were a tax expert? announcer: major tax stores advertise for preparers with no tax experience necessary. at turbotax, you only get answers from cpas, eas
12:46 am
12:47 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ladies and gentlemen, everything you are about to hear is 100% true. it is time for "true facts of truth." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: abraham lincoln was the tallest president ever at 4'1." [ light laughter ] >> the best basketball player of all time was michael jorgan. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: the mona lisa is a very famous painting of an ugly woman. [ laughter ] >> a carrot is usually the snowman's nose, but sometimes it's his dinky.
12:48 am
[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: george washington coined the phrase "daddy likey." [ laughter ] >> the movie "the scent of a woman" was originally called "how a woman smells." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: vitamin c is spanish for vitamin yes. [ laughter ] >> they say elephants never forget, but that's not true. because where was my birthday card this year, elephant? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a nose is for smell but an ear is for hear. [ laughter ] >> sour patch kids scare me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the most famous part of romeo and juliet is when
12:49 am
romeo says "me so horny, me love you long time." [ laughter ] >> before being called hooter's, it was called big boob lady restaurant. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: namaste. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that was "true facts of truth." stick around, we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] what these young bloods have to understand
12:50 am
that this game has always been and will always be about buckets. [ cheering ] drew? is that you? i got you, wes. just like old times. go get over. that's a pocket pass. that's a pocket pass [ cheering ] you gotta get out there... screen, screen. ...and put your team back together again. ohhhhh! go find 'em. ♪ (russell) this is just the beginning.
12:51 am
♪ you'll really dig the savings at the petsmart spring savings sale. save up to 25% on thousands of items, and save $3 on nutro® natural choice® dog food. at petsmart®. happiness in store.™
12:52 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:53 am
>> jimmy: you know our first guest tonight from his great run on "saturday night live," numerous feature films and of course, his work on "30 rock." he's headlining a huge comedy tour starting soon called "excuse my french." look for it in a city near you. please welcome back to the show, one of the funniest dudes around. here's tracy morgan! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: excuse my french. >> yeah! >> jimmy: there's tracy morgan! >> yeah! >> jimmy: thank you for coming back. >> thank you for having me, baby! >> jimmy: i love you. we love you. everyone's going nuts, you're hear. thanks for being here. thanks for doing that bit, "true facts of truth." >> i love doing stuff with you, man. "pop my balloon," all that stuff. we got good history. >> jimmy: "pop my balloon" was a good one, man.
12:54 am
>> yeah, we go back like spinal cords in car seats, you know? >> jimmy: we really do. we really do. >> i'm so tired, though, man. >> jimmy: why? >> because of the tour and i'm moving. >> jimmy: oh, you are? >> you know i live in alpine, new jersey, well-to-do neighborhood. but i'm looking for something -- a place in bayonne. just so i can say "bayonne." >> jimmy: sounds french. >> yeah, bruce springsteen-y-ish. if someone asks me, "well, where do you live?" "i live out there in bayonne." i just like saying the word "bayonne." >> jimmy: that's a beautiful place, bayonne. >> no, it's not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, i don't know. i just love the name bayonne. >> jimmy: i gotcha. tracy, easter was this sunday. >> uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: easter was this past sunday, and the pope gave his first easter address and i was gonna ask you -- >> he quit, right? [ laughter ] >> yeah -- not the new but the other pope quit, yeah. >> the old one. you think he took the keys to the car? [ laughter ] because i like that -- i like the popemobile. i like that. i just think he got fed up! >> jimmy: he said, "no. enough is enough!" >> yeah, enough is enough.
12:55 am
somebody left a can of beer on his bible last week. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not fair. >> people playing dice all in the halls. >> jimmy: no, he just gave up, man. >> they didn't even clean that graffiti off the vatican wall. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that is so true. >> too much happening. >> jimmy: too much going down. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we were talking backstage, because i said -- was going through my monologue jokes. i said lindsay lohan played an april fool's joke on twitter last night. >> that wasn't april fool's. >> jimmy: she said -- >> she was letting me know she's pregnant. [ laughter ] and i know you, lindsay. don't call house no more! i had nothing to do with that! [ laughter ] all i did was make the phone call. >> jimmy: all right, all right, that's all he did. all right, there ya go. we got that out of the way. it's crazy. >> lindsay -- >> jimmy: all right, there you go. i miss you, because last time we had you on here -- >> she's the reason why i got my first dui. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, look -- >> it was me, it was chuck sheen, and it was lady gaga. and compared to them three, i was sober. >> jimmy: all right, look!
12:56 am
all right -- [ laughter ] that makes sense. [ applause ] chuck sheen, man. chuck sheen. >> we was having a good time in that car! we was singing. ♪ i would do -- all of that. ♪ i want to know what love is i want you to show --♪ remember that song? >> jimmy: i love that song. >> i feel like crying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, yeah. >> i get sensitive. >> jimmy: happy tears. i'm miss my father. [ groans ] >> easter was the other day, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and, you know they don't show "the ten commandments" no more? >> jimmy: they don't show that? >> that was tradition. remember? every easter, they showed charlton heston's "ten commandments." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i watched it anyway because i have it on dvd. plus, he he's my biological grandfather. >> jimmy: that's true. [ laughter ] >> i say that -- >> jimmy: i did know that. >> don't you know? i watched it, and he was standing by the burning bush and charlton heston had on a watch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, he did not. >> yeah. and then, edward g. robinson came out of nowhere and he said --
12:57 am
"where's your moses now, see? [ laughter ] where's your moses now, see?" >> jimmy: "my ipad, meh!" >> "my ipad, ah!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "how's your moses now?" >> "where your moses now, see? let my people go, see?" [ laughter ] i loved that movie. >> jimmy: well, you love movies in general. you love -- well, we always end up talking about either "planet of the apes" -- we talk about "star wars." >> yes, we do! we got -- me and you stop by -- we got a thing going on. >> jimmy: thank you. yeah. >> yeah, disney just picked up the "star wars" stuff. >> jimmy: and they said they're bringing everybody back. han solo coming back. >> come on, man! >> jimmy: princess leia coming back, luke skywalker. >> imagine luke skywalker as old as he is now. he gonna be -- it ain't going to be no lightsaber -- [ imitates lightsaber ] it's gonna be -- "ah, this geriatric." >> jimmy: he's screaming "geriatric." >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, i mean -- >> chewbacca got fleas now. he old. [ laughter ] patches of hair's missing. there's patches of hair. [ imitates chewbacca ] [ cheers and applause ] every now and then --
12:58 am
[ cheers and applause ] every now and then, r2-d2's -- you know, his short-circuit. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- >> one wheel is missing. oh, man. >> jimmy: no, it's going to be old. that's gonna -- not going to work. >> princess leia. forget about it. >> jimmy: we have to talk about -- >> she got a oxygen tank on her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she does not. >> carry that green canister. still sexy. something about that green canister is sexy to me. >> jimmy: "help me, oxygen tank, you're my only hope." >> "help me, oxygen tank, you're my only hope. i gotta turn this pressure off." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're going to australia. >> for what? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're doing stand-up. >> oh, yeah, to do stand-up, right? that's crazy, man. >> jimmy: i mean, australia -- >> a black dude from brooklyn, new york. i have no business in australia! [ cheers and applause ] none. >> jimmy: you have no business in australia. >> i have no business in australia. >> jimmy: no.
12:59 am
but how fun is that? you get to go to australia. >> yeah. i'm just going to go. i'mma try to buy a shark. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, you -- yeah, you can do that. >> yeah, you scared to go to australia? because there's a lot of poisonous stuff over there, right? >> jimmy: i'm a little afraid to go to australia. >> i live for that. i horde poisonous stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do, though? >> yeah, i'm getting ready to get an orangutan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think they're poisonous. >> no? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, you don't want one biting you, but i don't think it's poisonous. >> lorne michaels told me they were poisonous! >> jimmy: he did not. >> he said "tracy, they're poisonous. you should get one." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get an orangutan? >> yes! >> jimmy: april 9th -- >> that's the roots over there, dude. >> jimmy: yeah, they're here every night. [ cheers and applause ] and b.j. thomas, dude. >> i know. i see him. yeah, look. yo. >> you got -- you're gonna be in brisbane, sydney, australia, august 12th. you're going to melbourne. you're going to regal theatre in perth on april 16th.
1:00 am
that's a lot of dates -- >> yeah. i put -- i got a campaign going. i put a article in the paper there. once i get over there, for $26, i'll get you pregnant. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's part of the tour, you guys. go check it out. it's all of may and july. info is @realtracymorgan. stick around. you can talk to andy cohen? >> mm hm. >> jimmy: all right, perfect. go see the stand up tour "excuse my french," starting may 2nd, in kansas city. andy cohen joins us after the break. come on right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ penélope ] i found the best cafe in the world. nespresso. where i never have to compromise on anything. ♪ where just one touch creates the perfect coffee. where every cappuccino and latte is only made with fresh milk.
1:01 am
and where the staff is exceptionally friendly. ♪ nespresso. what else? you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec-d®. powerful relief of nasal congestion and other allergy symptoms -- all in one pill. zyrtec-d®. at the pharmacy counter. this april, it's the black forest ham. made the way you say and still just $3. it's one of our april featured values, the newest way to enjoy subway every day! subway. eat fresh. another viva dare. our fans think there's a rule that a paper towel can't handle this.
1:02 am
fans? now that's tough when wet. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. this is what they do for fun. on all your tough messes. face and body.le for hair, new miracle dry oil. from fructis triple nutrition. a multi-use spray with 3 weightless oils. intense nourishment, instantly absorbed. luminous hair. touchable skin. fructis triple nutrition miracle dry oil. ♪ i be on my suit and tie, sh tied, sh tied ♪
1:03 am
♪ i be on my suit and tie, sh ♪ let me show you a few things ♪ you ready, jt? ♪ i can't wait 'til i get you on the floor, good-looking ♪ ♪ ♪ baby, going out so hot ♪ just like an oven [ male announcer ] one platinum hit deserves another.... triple filtered. smooth finish. ♪ and ow top shelf taste. bud light platinum.
1:04 am
1:05 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not only is our next guest a television producer and the host of bravo's "watch what happens live," but he's also a "new york times" best- selling author. that's right. "most talkative" comes out in paper back today, you guys. get it for the summer. please welcome back to the show, andy cohen! [ cheers and applause ]
1:06 am
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. leave it to the roots. maybe it's because b.j.'s in the house. >> jimmy: yeah, b.j. thomas in the house! [ cheers ] >> but the roots have pulled out -- that is actually the very first "housewives" single ever recorded. jo de la rosa, an original orange county "housewife." >> jimmy: o.c. >> "u can't control me." >> jimmy: i never heard that. >> her poem about slade smiley. yes, it's true! >> jimmy: is that -- is that what it's about? >> i think? >> jimmy: uh, pal, good to see you. >> great to see you. >> jimmy: love your hair. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: that -- >> i appreciate it. >> jimmy: looking great. >> okay, you were not an early adaptor to my hair. >> jimmy: no, but this is different hair -- >> it is? okay. >> jimmy: the other hair. >> okay.
1:07 am
>> jimmy: you're like, don't -- at first, i'm like, what are you doing with your hair? but you didn't commit to it. >> no, i didn't. >> jimmy: you flip-flopped on the hair. >> i know. >> jimmy: because you had a caesar, then it wasn't, then it was this, then it was your normal. >> did i have a caesar? >> jimmy: no. i was just making that up. i couldn't think of other male hair cuts. >> yeah, okay. >> jimmy: but, dude, haven't seen you since the super bowl time. >> i know. soup bowl. we have a fun soup bowl party. >> jimmy: we had a soup bowl party and it was fun. >> yeah, it was really fun. and then after the soup bowl, we got into a hole of watching past half-time shows. >> jimmy: that's right. >> remember that? yeah, we did that. >> jimmy: and michael jackson was our favorite -- it was amazing. >> tracy: that was everybody's favorite. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i think that kind of started the whole half-time -- >> yeah, there was crazy wind machines. it was still very analog, that michael jackson performance. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but -- with so many wind machines. >> tracy: was that the one with the -- the whole stadium had the faces of the kids around the world? >> jimmy: yes. >> tracy: he was singing like, "heal the world," and all that? >> jimmy: yeah, well he did -- there was one where like eight michael jacksons popped out and like -- >> yes! >> jimmy: you don't know which one's really him. you're like, "probably the guy in the center of the stage." [ laughter ] but -- i'm not gonna give away the ending.
1:08 am
but that was super fun times. then you went on vacation. had a big vacation. >> i did. i went to brazil, actually. i went to rio and another town. it was a blast. >> jimmy: you went with the coop. anderson cooper. >> i did. "ac 360" and ac 420 hit brazil together. that's right. and we went to brazil together. >> jimmy: you're a.c. 420. >> i'm a.c. 420. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that makes sense. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how is it going -- anderson cooper -- how is it going on vacation with that guy? >> it's good. you know, it's interesting, we -- he's a great guy and a great friend. we got to -- we got to the beach and i looked at him, i said, "you look a little agitated. what's going on? you getting into this?" he said, "i really don't care for beach vacations." and i go, "well, we're on a 10 day beach vacation." >> jimmy: he's gonna suck -- to hang out with. >> and it's funny -- i -- one of my hobbies is tanning. i love -- i love to tan. >> jimmy: you love a good tan. you have it down to a science. >> yeah, i love it. >> tracy: not more than me. [ laughter and applause ] >> i know -- no. >> jimmy: he does, he looks
1:09 am
good, right? >> yeah. but anderson, get's paler by the day -- you know, as we're in the hot sun. and i'm like -- i start to get a little worried. >> jimmy: yeah, so you just went out by yourself. just solo tanning? >> solo tanning. -- we had friends. >> jimmy: you had friends. all right, good. i know you're a st. louis man. >> yes. >> jimmy: now, this is very, very exciting. >> yes. >> jimmy: the thing that's going down. you love your cardinals. >> i love my cardinals. i really do. >> jimmy: and they're doing a special fun thing for you. they -- what day are they doing that? >> it's may 10th, in celebration of the paper back, it's going to be andy cohen night at busch stadium. >> jimmy: and you got your own bobble head. >> i know! yeah, that's my bobble head. [ cheers and applause ] i think they maybe took the carlos beltran bobble head and kind of put -- grayed up my hair a little bit. >> jimmy: no, this is fantastic. >> it kind of -- yeah, i'm so excited. but, this means i have to throw out a pitch. >> jimmy: are you good? >> which is really exciting. no, i'm terrible. i mean, the three words that i used to dread after dinner every night were my dad saying, "wanna play catch?"
1:10 am
and i'd be like, "oh, please don't make me play catch." but -- because i was so bad. i just was so bad. so, now i'm gonna throw the pitch -- >> jimmy: are you practicing or something? >> well, i haven't. i need to. i've become twitter friends with jason mott who is the great closer on the st. louis cardinals. we've kind of been tweeting each other. and he said he's going to warm me up. he was like, i'll warm you -- i'll throw with you a little bit, which i'm so excited about, but also very nervous about. >> jimmy: i don't -- do you play baseball tracy? >> tracy: yeah, i threw out the pitch -- baltimore. for baltimore. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> tracy: and you get nervous about it. you want the pitch to go right. >> jimmy: how'd you do? >> i did -- well -- i think it went past the grass. >> okay, see. >> jimmy: yeah, that's all -- just throw it and just walk up and wave. >> yeah, right. >> jimmy: if you don't want to look just kind of awkward, just be like -- yeah. and you don't want to be too good either. >> well -- there's no danger of that. i promise you. no -- no, no, no. >> jimmy: i don't know if i would do it. but this is a big deal. i know that in your family -- your whole family is gonna freak out. >> yeah, they're very excited. my mom said, "well, if jason mott -- if you play with
1:11 am
jason mott, don't hit him with the ball, because he's our closer and we need him.' >> jimmy: and you go, "mom" -- >> and i said, well now -- now you're ruining it for me. >> jimmy: well you add in -- in the paper back of this book you add an extra chapter saying what happened after the book came out. >> yes, exactly. it's kind of an epilogue of sorts and -- >> jimmy: and you talk about your mom getting angry at you. >> yeah, my mom, she was pissed at me because i portray her as a screamer in the book. i mean, we have -- >> jimmy: every time his mom talks in this book, it's in caps. >> yes, exactly. [ laughter ] and so then she was screaming with me like, "you think i scream all the time!" i'm like, okay, well this is what's happening now. we have modulation issues in my house. >> jimmy: so, when i was last on your show -- >> yes. >> jimmy: well, actually -- well, no -- one of my first or second times on your show. i gave you a shot-ski. >> not only did you give me a shot-ski, you started a wednesday night tradition on my show, where in, we end the show every wednesday with me and my guests doing a shot-ski. >> jimmy: now, this is something me and my wife invented. i think we did. >> yes, i think you did too. >> jimmy: we clued shot glasses, three of them to one ski. and then we just all do a shot
1:12 am
at the same time. >> couldn't be more fun. >> jimmy: it's pretty fun. >> sounds simple, but it's classic. >> jimmy: so you do it every wednesday so, i said, dude it is a one of a kind. this is something you would read about in "robb report." and you know "robb report?" >> yes. >> jimmy: it's like, this magazine, it's just got like -- it's just diamonds, watches and cigars. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and it's just ads for those things. but it is a -- like best private yachts and helicopters and stealth drones and you can just -- it's like -- it's -- it's for rich, rich people. >> it sounds like a show on bravo, actually. >> jimmy: dude, you should do a show call -- anyways, these dudes show up. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they give me -- >> no way! >> jimmy: a "robb report" shot-ski. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: now, check this thing out. >> this is amazing. >> jimmy: look at this. >> these shot glasses are tall. >> jimmy: wait, so -- this is baccarat crystal. >> ooh. >> jimmy: in mahogany gaskets by woodstone renovation. it's on a red gum wood -- i don't even know what gum wood is. gum wood finish, wagner custom ski from telluride.
1:13 am
>> feels real strong. >> tracy: yeah, it does. >> jimmy: and you can take out this crystal -- baccarat crystal for a little dish washing. >> wow. oh, you know what, it's challenging washing the shot-ski. >> jimmy: it is hard, yeah. >> sometimes i pick up, i'm like, "could you guys wash it? martha stewart's lipstick is on from last wednesday." >> jimmy: would you like to do a shot? >> yes! is that an option? >> jimmy: yeah, we have to do it. >> yes -- [ cheers and applause ] wait, do you have your special? -- are you kidding me? are we doing -- and then, are we playing charades post shot-ski? >> jimmy: post shot-ski. >> tracy: -- d.u.i., here i come! >> jimmy: no, no, tracy. >> we got some milk for mr. morgan. >> jimmy: yeah, tracy, i got milk for you, buddy. >> all right, okay. here we go. >> jimmy: it does a body good. and for me, i got a little -- >> tracy: kids, eat all your vegetables, kids. >> jimmy: there you go. [ cheers ] -- evel knievel -- first time. >> you have to follow the rule book. what is this, now? >> jimmy: this is surfer on acid. dude, you know i got to do that. >> -- oh, gosh. >> jimmy: jager and pineapple juice. >> oh, gosh. >> jimmy: i know, but -- >> i'm doing jager at this hour? >> jimmy: yeah.
1:14 am
>> oh, that is so big. >> jimmy: no, it's gonna be so refreshing and awesome. here we go. >> i got things to do after the show. >> jimmy: i know you got things to do. [ talking over each other ] "most talkative" is in paper back. we're gonna be right back. but first, let's do a shot-ski. ready? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ one, two, three! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i had enough of feeling embarrassed about my skin. [ designer ] enough of just covering up my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. i decided enough is enough. ♪ [ spa lady ] i started enbrel. it's clinically proven to provide clearer skin. [ rv guy ] enbrel may not work for everyone -- and may not clear you completely, but for many, it gets skin clearer fast, within 2 months, and keeps it clearer through 6 months. [ male announcer ] enbrel may lower your ability to fight infections. serious, sometimes fatal events, including infections, tuberculosis, lymphoma, other cancers, nervous system and blood disorders,
1:15 am
and allergic reactions have occurred. before starting enbrel, your doctor should test you for tuberculosis and discuss whether you've been to a region where certain fungal infections are common. you should not start enbrel if you have an infection like the flu. tell your doctor if you're prone to infections, have cuts or sores, have had hepatitis b, have been treated for heart failure, or if you have symptoms such as persistent fever, bruising, bleeding, or paleness. if you've had enough, ask your dermatologist about enbrel. how far do you want to take it? up to you. chevy cruze's six-speed transmission allows for lower shift points, offering an e.p.a.-estimated 36 mpg highway. okay, then. [ laughs ] what a test-drive. yeah. it's really more of a road trip at this point.
1:16 am
yeah. [ male announcer ] chevy. mpg ingenuity. now get this great sign & drive lease on a 2013 chevy cruze ls for around $199 a month. uhh... [ grunts ] i'll have a redd's apple ale. [ male announcer ] redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple, brewed like an ale.
1:17 am
1:18 am
[ male announcer ] redd's apple ale. [ inhales, exhales ] [ announcer ] cigarettes are not just dangerous when they're smoked. [ rat squeaking ] they're dangerous long after. cigarette butts are toxic. they release chemicals that poison our water... and harm wildlife. and millions... are polluting our environment. [ sniffing ] [ seagulls squawking ]
1:19 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with tracy morgan, andy cohen, and of course, our announcer, steve higgins, and we are going to play a little charades. and it's going to be andy and i against tracy and higgins. as you know how to play the game, here, each player gets a turn giving silent clues to your teammate. 45 seconds on the clock per turn. first two rounds are worth one point. and we'll have a big showdown at the end worth two points. >> showcase showdown! >> jimmy: showcase showdown -- ♪ duhn, duhn duhn, duhn ♪ >> jimmy: trademark. yeah. all right, here we go. tracy, why don't you -- you and higgins -- are you a team? >> okay. >> jimmy: tracy, you go first. andy, you -- >> steve: we're the young bloods. >> jimmy: what? >> steve: that's our name of our team.
1:20 am
>> we're the tough bloods. >> jimmy: yeah, we're the -- we're the tough bloods. here we go! tracy, you know you can't talk. >> huh? >> jimmy: you can't -- don't say what it is. >> okay. >> jimmy: you can say what this is, though. you can so -- oh, no, you can't even do that. sorry. never mind. >> steve: hey, what? >> jimmy: yeah, you can't. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: you know what to do? >> okay. >> jimmy: oh, you can put that in that in the -- >> okay. >> steve: okay, ready? >> jimmy: here we go! >> steve: one word. >> jimmy: you can do what this is too. >> huh? >> steve: song? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: tough. march. [ howls ] werewolf. [ howls ] coyote. [ howls ] wolf. [ howls ] [ howls ] >> jimmy: it's four words. four words. >> steve: it's a movie! >> jimmy: no, it's not. >> steppenwolf! >> jimmy: it's not. you can't say the name of the group. >> steve: magic carpet ride! >> jimmy: no. [ howls ] >> steve: american werewolves of london!
1:21 am
clap for the wolfman! doggystyle! >> jimmy: no, you got the wrong -- [ talking over each other ] [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> okay. the song "born to be wild" by steppenwolf. >> steve: oh, okay. >> jimmy: i don't think you need to know the -- you don't have to guess the artist. >> we don't play this in the ghetto! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, look, i don't know. >> i'll give you a bye on that one. i'll give you a bye on that one. >> steve: "born to be wild" by >> jimmy: steppenwolf! all right. what are we thinking, audience? >> audience member: five! >> jimmy: everyone just yelled five. i know. that was crazy. okay. >> jimmy: mm -- okay. >> we got it. okay. >> it's a film. three words. first word -- small word -- >> the. and. the. the champions of -- the lion king! >> jimmy: yes!
1:22 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i couldn't do it, or else i'd be like -- [ imitates lion king song ] [ screaming ] >> jimmy: not one person yells ten. [ laughter ] >> steve: i was deaf in this ear. >> jimmy: not one human yelled ten. seven. all you hear is ten. >> steve: oh, was it seven? >> jimmy: come on, higgins. >> oh, my god. >> come on -- >> steve: ready? >> limber up. limber up. >> tv. one. one. dive. dive. underwater. um -- dive. [ laughter ] dive. ear.
1:23 am
>> sounds like. >> sound. sound. sounds like itching underarm -- jacques cousteau. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] sounds like -- >> steve: splash. >> splash? >> steve: splash. >> oh, splash! >> jimmy: it's the new celebrity diving show. >> i know. with tom hanks. "splash," right? >> steve: right. well, yeah. >> jimmy: see? i thought the movie. >> the girl from atlantis? >> steve: with patrick duffy. >> with patrick duffy? >> it's the new hit show. it's sweeping america. >> jimmy: yeah, it's -- celebrity diving. >> the new celebrity diving show. >> oh! >> jimmy: you don't know at all. all right. >> okay. where am i going? [ screams ] >> i heard eight. oh, my god. okay. >> jimmy: that's not the attitude. >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: you got it! >> steve: you got it!
1:24 am
>> jimmy: you can do this. >> okay. >> jimmy: come on, andy. we can do this. movie. >> okay. >> jimmy: two words. first word. [ laughter ] hop? spring. >> yes! >> jimmy: spring -- awakening. "spring break -- ers"! ♪ >> steve: "spring breakers," yeah! >> jimmy: all right, now, it's a showdown. we got the lead. 2-0. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: whoever wins this wins the whole game. >> steve: okay. [ laughter ] >> are we playing all or nothing? >> jimmy: it's all or nothing, man. let's do it. >> this one right here, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i go. [ in unison ] >> we both go. oh, we both go? >> jimmy: yeah, we're going to give clues at the same time. >> okay. >> jimmy: whichever partner gets it first wins. [ screaming ] you can't look at me, man. >> somebody said seven. >> steve: oh, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. you can't look at jimmy. >> i won't. >> jimmy: what? stop doing one. that doesn't mean anything. >> oh, okay. >> steve: -- brown shoe. >> jimmy: don't laugh at that. don't show it to him.
1:25 am
>> did you just see the card? >> steve: i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go. this is for all -- this is for everything, man. right here. we win this, everyone goes home with this -- a t-shirt and a -- >> it's a book. >> four words. "50 shades of grey." first word. temple. pyramid. dive. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: the worm, the worm, the worm returns. dam. a dam. stomach. oh, spit, sick, sick. wave, wave. eating! eating! pregnant. sick. oh, i'm full. i'm full. oh, i don't feel so good. oh! i'm a metamorphosis. i'm a caterpillar. i'm a butterfly. butterflies are free. butterfly.
1:26 am
the caterpillar and the butterfly. [ buzzer ] >> steve: what? that's not it at all. >> he said the word. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, the name of the book was "the very hungry caterpillar." >> steve: oh! >> so we win. y'all didn't say no words, and he said "caterpillar." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no, it is a tie. we'll have to have a rematch. our thanks to the great andy cohen. tracy morgan. check out ticketmaster.com for tracy morgan's show. deerhunter performs next. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:27 am
1:28 am
1:29 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests will release their highly anticipated new album, "monomania," on may 7th. tonight, they are here to premier the title track from it, which is available on itunes right now. please welcome deerhunter! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ my only boy couldn't leave his lady well come on boy ♪ ♪ let me
1:30 am
tell you that if you want to be with me ♪ ♪ i can be your home away ♪ ♪ come on god hear my sick prayer ♪ ♪ if you can't send me an angel if you can't send me an angel ♪ ♪ send me something else instead ♪ ♪ send my heart to the sea oh the empty sea well there's a light ♪ ♪ in the core and there's nothing left no more no more no ♪ ♪ if you can't choose me if you can't see well there's ♪ ♪ a light in my heart and it won't be there tomorrow there is a man ♪ ♪ there is a mystery whore and in my dying days i could never be sure
1:31 am
well never mind ♪ ♪ and then they take me away and then they take you away ♪ ♪ they'll never take me away and in my head ♪ ♪ there is something rotting dead i can't compete ♪ ♪ with her let me be released from this ♪ ♪ mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania ♪ ♪ mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania ♪ ♪ mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania ♪ ♪ mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania ♪
1:32 am
♪ mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania mono monomania ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
1:33 am
>> jimmy: deerhunter! look for the album "monomania," in stores may 7th. my thanks to andy cohen, b.j. thomas, tracy morgan, deerhunter and the greatest band in "late night," the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] stick around for "carson daly." thanks for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ >> carson: hey, what's up everybody? i'm carson daly. this is "last call" from the great city of new york. the cutting room is our backdrop for this week of shows. tonight we're gonna pay a visit to the troubadour, however, back
1:34 am
in l.a. for the music of one of our favorites, tift merritt. more on that in a little bit. we'll dedicate our "spotlight" to the sundance doc called "room 237." but first, pete wentz has never been busier. he released a novel in february. his band fall out boy made a triumphant return to music and he's gearing up for the second season of his tattoo show called "best ink." for more we go to sayers club in hollywood. here's my time with pete wentz. ♪ >> carson: ten years is a long time. like, how quickly does ten years go? >> at the airport i started getting -- like, maybe it was like, last year or something like, "i loved your band so much when i was in junior high." >> carson: right. >> from these kids that look like they're like 25. >> carson: dude, imagine me, man with "trl." >> i'm like, how old are you? this is crazy? >> carson: right, right. >> like, do you have kids of your own? ♪ >> carson: let's go back for a second and remind me kind of the history of fall out. i know you in were in chicago around 2001, right? >> we were. we started playing. we were in heavier bands and then we were like, "let's just do this band kind of as a goof.
774 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
Uploaded by TV Archive on
Source: https://archive.org/details/KNTV_20130403_073500_Late_Night_With_Jimmy_Fallon
0 Response to "Anakin Skywalker Funny Face Pete Wentz Wild N Out Eggs"
Post a Comment